That's why, once a relationship stops making us … So, don’t waste time trying to convince your ex wife to reconsider her decision to not talk to you anymore. You want to have meaningful conversations for the rest of your life. (1) identifying the person who doesn’t want to talk. July 17, 2020 by Sarb Randhawa Leave a Comment If you are the person who continually refuses to talk, it will be equally hard for you to give up your excuses. … Talk to a … Question - (3 January 2009) : 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 March 2017): A male age 41-50, *ndrewbigrig70 writes: I live in a relationship where my wife and i dont talk anymore . This is your marriage that you are talking about. They … Apathy. Book a counselling session at your local Relate Centre. My sweet and I went through a lot of post-wedding tune ups, and not a single session recommended hard rules for better… Most of the time the majority of the answers would be poor communication, and it is absolutely correct. This can be tricky but it is a very useful way of owning your feelings. The bottom line is that the person who doesn’t want to talk could either be the person who refuses to talk or the person who pretends to want to talk. Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is… 2. In order to identify the person who doesn’t want to talk you; you have to be willing to look at yourself objectively. We have Relates across England and Wales, offering different services and workshops to help you improve your relationships. We have a beautiful 3 and a half year old girl and she is the reason we are still together . Find out what’s available in your area. To the wife, it is almost like he wishes to avoid her. Sometimes people who won’t talk are workaholics who believe in action, not talking, and their whole lives are thus spent in working or doing other projects. There are two aspects of this problem: If you’re the partner who wants to talk and have long looked for a way to get your partner to talk, the first step then is to look at yourself. You could ask a friend to tell you how they find conversations with you. I can concur as I have had similar challenges myself. I don’t have to respect that. Why won't she leave me alone? If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. When I'm tired and just want to relax, she launches into an emotional outburst about how we don't "communicate" the way we used to. Most of the problems in a troubled marriage appear during what most consider to be a "midlife crisis". It’s normal for the passion to die down once you’re married, but communication should never cease completely. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? I Don't Like My Wife Anymore. This requires more courage than jumping from a blazing fire. You can beg and plead all day long and promise all kinds of internal and external changes. If you're thinking "my wife doesn't love me anymore", you can start to show her love. If there has been a fight, and you don't talk, I still understand. They are only interested in winning not in the give-and-take of truly authentic communication. This is a very straightforward way to keep your marriage strong. When bringing up this heavy topic, pick a time … Oh my God, it’s a catastrophe, we’re going to end up divorced.” I have a high sex drive, but I find that I don't want to sleep with my wife anymore because there is never any foreplay and a few minutes into it she's telling me to hurry up. The first aspect may be the hardest. You are demonstrating empathy and may therefore indicate that you are in tune with the other person. Lovers of the net have probably come across the she-said-no-sex-tonight spreadsheet doing rounds on social media, this is somewhat old but still relevant with today’s couples who struggle with the same thing. Tell your partner how you felt, feel or will be feeling about something without blaming them. Why Being Treated Like a Child in a Relationship Is Unhealthy? Good luck, however it goes. The best way to get somebody to talk who doesn’t want to talk is to start by taking responsibility for your own contribution to the matter. If you keep thinking about legitimate complaints with your partner, let them fall away to the … This whole issue came on gradually. When I'm tired and just want to relax, she launches into an emotional outburst about how we don't "communicate" the way we used to. To get someone to stop pretending to talk, you need to empathize with that partner … Do you acknowledge what they have said? Many couples coming to Relate say that communication breakdown is one of the main reasons they've decided to seek counselling. Maybe we're afraid people will judge us for admitting we want to poke our significant other in the eye more often than not, or maybe we're afraid people will assume the worst thinking divorce is on the table - I don't know. Blood relation is not a pass to be a shitty person or reason to tolerate. So, don’t say, ‘Honestly, I love making sex all about me, but I’m sorry and I’ll try to have it be more back-and-forth.’ It’s a way of saying you don’t want to talk about the issue because it’s uncomfortable and don’t want to hurt your spouse’s feelings, so you avoid the topic all together. You don’t want to share a mental transcript of what you were thinking, which would be hurtful and damaging. I’m afraid I may have to give up being right.”  Or you may say, “I understand you feel I don’t listen to you, but I’m afraid to talk because in the past I experienced you as wanting to prove you are right and I’m wrong.”, Best Marriage Therapists in New York City, 16 Principles for Effective Communication in Marriage, Ways to Circumvent Pitfalls of Open and Closed Communication, 4 Common Causes of Communication Breakdown in Marriage, 5 Easy And Effective Couples Communication Tips, 3 Detrimental Effects of Lack of Communication in Marriage, Understanding the Dynamics of Texting in a Relationships, 10 Ways to Speak Your Truth in the Relationship, Research-Based Strategies To Improve Communication with Your Partner, How to Deal With a Partner Who Has Wandering Eyes. If you don't spend one-on-one time together, you may wake up one day and realize that you no longer know your spouse. Look For Ways To Show Her Love. Good communication can be described as a dance between two people. ... we were also learning not to talk about our sexuality out loud. it's getting to the point where i am really resenting him. ... we don’t learn this in school — or anywhere, for that matter. Relate charity number: 207314, Company number: 394221 (Registered in England and Wales) Relate address: Premier House, Carolina Court, Lakeside, Doncaster, DN4 5RA. Talk about your wife’s desires. I know that it’s possible to tell yourself that perhaps you’ve run out of things to talk about, but don’t take that escape route. Guilt. She may also feel perplexed by why her loving husband seems so ill equipped to engage and be supportive. If you're worried about communication in your relationship, it can help to talk to someone there are various ways we can help. 12 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex Experts say that there is a general decline in sexual activities across American households. Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is… 2. My wife doesn’t like being touched by me any longer. If you’re the person who refuses to talk, you may try a similar tactic. Do you find it important to make time to have a conversation? Discussing the Issue Pick a non-stressful time to talk. Once you tell her how you feel, allow her time to tell you her own thoughts. However, the leading cause of people not wanting to talk is that they don’t want to give up being right. I’m afraid I may have to give up being right.”  Or you may say, “I understand you feel I don’t listen to you, but I’m afraid to talk because in the past I experienced you as wanting to prove you are right and I’m wrong.”. The content of it laughable, yes, but like any serious marriage counsellor would tell you, the couple has some serious talking to do. and have long looked for a way to get your partner to talk, the first step then is to look at yourself. a walk in the park, a drink at a pub or a coffee when you're shopping, etc. I just don’t have the desire to have sex anymore. I don't know why the truth that marriage is often a struggle is another one of the "things we don't talk about." This is not only true of partners who don’t want to talk. Oh my God, it’s a catastrophe, we’re going to end up divorced.” But, if you do not wish to talk to him at all, then, I suspect you have any interest in him. “I have traveled far and wide, and I have yet to find a man who could bring home the judgment against himself.”. Having a narcissistic mom myself, I can understand where you’re coming from. I know that it’s possible to tell yourself that perhaps you’ve run out of things to talk about, but don’t take that escape route. The content of it laughable, yes, but like any serious marriage counsellor would tell you, the couple has some serious talking to do. Ask Ammanda: Have I prioritised my friends over my relationship? “So if my man doesn’t want sex all the time, something must be wrong with me. Book a counselling session at your local Relate Centre. “So if my man doesn’t want sex all the time, something must be wrong with me. She feels ignored and not valued. If you keep thinking about legitimate complaints with your partner, let them fall away to the … 4. Plan to go together somewhere that provides an environment you both find relaxing e.g. In fact, some couples even become closer when they finally get married. It appears that most people want to see things their way, and they are not interested in any talk that may result in their having to give up their precious point of view. Do you wait until the other person has finished what they've got to say before you chime in? If you're still having problems communicating as a couple, then do come to Relate where you can find support in learning to talk to each other in a more relaxed, effective, way. It may take a determination to let go of wishing for something from your partner for the moment. She might react negatively to this news; if so, remain calm, without yelling or walking away from her. So it is making conscious what is unconscious that is the hard part of looking at yourself objectively. Why won't she leave me alone? Ask Ammanda: My husband says he's unhappy. Not registered yet? This is a very straightforward way to keep your marriage strong. When your partner says, “Let’s talk,” you may reply, “I’m afraid to talk. Set aside time to talk when you will not be interrupted. I have not really complained or said anything yet, but it is becoming very noticeable from my perspective. To get someone to talk who doesn’t want to talk, you have to first talk in a way you don’t want to talk—that is empathize with your partner rather than trying to manipulate. Quiz: how honest are you with your partner? Evangelicalism gave me this boldness that has served me well in my … Often one person wants to talk and the other wants to avoid talking. Freud was the first psychologist to suggest that most of our mind is unconscious. I can’t talk to her about it be cause she has tried it didn’t work, but no physical contact and her liking other guys attention just makes it unbearable Your ex has lost all hope after all. Learn more. If you're worried about communication in your relationship, it can help to talk to someone there are various ways we can help. He doesn’t desire me anymore. “If your mom is a toxic person, of course it’s okay. Sometimes they agree to talk but are only going through the motions to appease their partners; hence no real progress occurs. He has helped all kinds of clients who have suffered serious issues such as depression, anxiety and phobia. If you still feel that you don’t love your wife anymore and you want to leave, a therapist can help you to do that with the least amount of damage possible. ... we were also learning not to talk about our sexuality out loud. I can concur as I have had similar challenges myself. The bottom line is that the person who doesn’t want to talk could either be the person who refuses to talk or the person who pretends to want to talk. This is your marriage that you are talking about. To get someone to stop pretending to talk, you need to empathize with that partner and demonstrate the intent to give and take. Why does my wife always want me to talk to her? If you still feel that you don’t love your wife anymore and you want to leave, a therapist can help you to do that with the least amount of damage possible. There's a place for you to dance together, the music sets the scene, you both sense the rhythm, take it in turns to 'do your thing', follow or take the lead, you do it together, it gives you both pleasure and has a purpose.